Category Archives: Tough Issues

Remarks on the Church’s Response to Newtown, Connecticut

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newtownFriday morning’s incident at Sandy Hook Elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut has stopped pre-Christmas America in her tracks. Yesterday, I was one of many Christmas shoppers huddled around a store television to watch the story unfold. In horror, we’ve cried along with the parents and citizens of Newtown – wondering how could something like this could happen? The news feed on Facebook is an understandable blend of outrage, heartbreak and compassion. There are, however, voices claiming to be “Christian” who are adding insult to injury with heedless comments. Also disconcerting, is the religious proclivity to rush to judgment on certain unknowables. This, my friend, is conversation unfitting a believer, and unChristian in nature. In this video, I offer some insight as to how a Christian should respond, as well as some research touching a few plaguing questions, like:

1. What traits are common to mass killers?
2. How could a person kill innocent children?
3. Are there warning signs?
4. Where was God?
5. How can a parent or friend know there is a risk of such violence in a loved one?

The second half of the message, is a look at the anointing of healing that belongs to the true church, and how that anointing is cultivated and preserved. I welcome your thoughts and comments and offer my prayers for all affected by the Newtown Shooting.

Watch video, here.

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Understanding Homosexuality

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In John 8:32 Jesus tells us, “And you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”  The purpose of this post is to shed light on the difficult subject of homosexuality.  If you are struggling with same-sex attraction or know someone who is, please do not feel condemned or judged.  John 3:17 tells us, “God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.” 

Knowing the truth is impossible unless you trust the one telling you.  Unfortunately, some well-meaning Christians have spoken and acted out in ways that have led to mistrust.  For this I apologize and ask you to give the Truth a chance.  Jesus said in John 14:6, “I AM the way, the Truth, and the life.  No man comes to the Father, except through me.” 

Homosexuality is a complex issue, one that cannot be fully comprehended in one post, one pamphlet or even one book.  I have closed this post with a list of resources that will shed light on this topic if you are seeking answers.  I do wish, however, to offer some understanding that I have come across in researching same-sex attraction.  Not all who experience same-sex attraction will fall into the description I am about to share.  Broad brushes paint sloppy portraits.  However, there are trends worth noting in the study of homosexuality.

Homosexuality is not inherited by a “gay gene.”  Science has yet to prove empirically that such a gene exists.  Some people with same-sex attraction have felt that perhaps they were “born” with this inclination since they cannot remember a time that the attraction began.  A possible explanation for that will be offered in a moment.  First, I would like to share something that Julie Lyons stated so well in our interview about her deliverance from same-sex attraction.  Psychological damage inflicted early in life, often before a person is emotionally developed, can spur these desires.  There are also environmental considerations that can shape a child’s identity.  A child does not possess the emotional sophistication to process abuse, pain or neglect positively.  It will affect his/her identity.  We must understand that a person can certainly “feel” as though they have been born gay. 

A study by Counselor Sinclair Rogers on the causes of homosexuality offered a startling statistic. He writes,

“In Singapore, of my homosexually oriented clients in 1991, 83% of the men and almost 70% of the women reported being victims of sexual abuse or molest, before the age of 12. Additionally, well over 90% reported the sense of being neglected or unloved in childhood especially by the parent of the same sex. 40% reported physical abuse. Another common trend in my clients, is an unfortunate history of being ridiculed and labelled ‘homosexual” during their pre-teen and teen years.”

Abuse and neglect does not automatically result in same-sex attraction, however it is certainly a contributing factor in many lives.

Arrested Development

Conventional homosexuality is not a condition that happens in a vacuum.  It is a result of arrested emotional and gender identity development.  The next few paragraphs could change your life, or at least your understanding of homosexuality.

There are stages of sexual maturity.  A child, passing from babyhood into early childhood, must bond with the parent of his/her same gender.  This is crucial to creating a gender identity in the child during the ages of 4-14.  If the parent of the same gender is missing, neglectful or rejecting of the child, this crucial bonding phase will not transpire.  A child who does not bond with the same-gender parent may seek for the affirmation they need from same-gender friendships.  A young man will feel the need to be accepted among peers of his gender.  In the case of many homosexuals, this bonding never happened on either level, therefore they have never been “comfortable” with people of the same gender, nor have they been accepted by that gender.

This bonding must happen during pre-adolescence before the young man or woman enters the stage of life when they begin seeking opposite-sex relationships.  A person must be comfortable and secure with people of his/her same gender before they gamble with building relationships with the opposite gender.

If a child hasn’t bonded with their same-gender parent and then peers, they will not develop a sense of security in their gender.  This could lead to gender confusion, or a sense of isolation that prohibits proper development of relationships with the opposite gender. 

The result?  This precious young person will seek to find what is emotionally lacking… love.  Since the same-gender parent failed to provide it, he/she will seek affection and love from same-gender peers.  An emotional dependency can grow, leading to a fascination with same-gender peers.    Add the burgeoning pressure of adolescent sexual development and this fixation suddenly becomes erotic.  In this case, homosexuality is a result of someone being cheated of much deserved love and affirmation.

Homosexuality is reversible.    You can be healed, loved and accepted.

If you are a believer wanting to help someone with a same-sex attraction, you must “believe” that with God, all things are possible.  I am a firm believer in the power of Godly counsel.  We may have the desire to help, but lack the wisdom or experience to do so effectively.  Heterosexual friends and family members are key players in the healing process.  Your unconditional love and acceptance will be crucial in the days ahead. 

Looking for help? Try Exodus International.  This ministry has walked thousands through the process of healing and restoration.  While I am not a counselor, I am a connector.  Thank you for reading this post.

http://www.exodus-international.org/

Recommended Resources on Homosexuality:

Pursuing Sexual Wholeness by Andy Comisky
Living Waters Sexual Redemption in Christ program, on overcoming homosexuality.

The Game Plan by Joe Dallas
A resource for men.

Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson
A staple in the Christian counseling world.

Out of Egypt by Jeanette Howard
Monarch Publisher

The Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan Allendar
Navpress Publisher

Coming Out of Homosexuality by Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel / InterVarsity Press

Gay Genes? An article debunking the myth of inherited homosexuality.   http://exodus.to/content/view/184/34/

Transgenderism and the Deconstruction of Gender An article from Focus on the Family   http://www.citizenlink.org/FOSI/homosexuality/A000008950.cfm

Can Gays Really Change? A Study on Ex-Gays An article from Focus on the Family http://www.citizenlink.org/FOSI/homosexuality/A000008669.cfm

Talking to Your Kid about Homosexuality

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Because you asked, here is a plan for talking to your children about the very touchy subject of same-sex marriage or homosexuality. First of all, don’t be ashamed to have this conversation with your child. In a number of school districts, this conversation is conducted in kindergarten and first grade. While it is not our preference to begin this early, we must decide who will our children hear it from first?

To what degree you discuss homosexuality should be determined by the age of the child. The younger will understand the more simpler ideas of marriage and cohabitation. The older will need to understand the error of practicing homosexuality. This more sensitive conversation can be arranged after the child is comfortably educated about the “birds & the bees” (hopefully around 9-10 years of age).

No matter what, a child at any age must be reassured that they can approach you without fear of rebuke. One way to do that is to thank them for asking you. At no time, should your son or daughter feel evaded or misled. Always be prepared to share more than you are comfortable sharing. This type of conversation will always be awkward. Caution, if their curiousity is unsatisfied, they will ask another adult, or worse yet, another child.

1. Explain that the Bible is clear about homosexuality. Don’t belabor this, but rephrase some key passages for their benefit. Here are some biblical sources. Genesis, chapters 18 and 19; Leviticus 18: 22 and 20: 13; Deuteronomy 23: 17; 1 Kings 15:12; Matthew 19:3-9; Romans 1: 18-32; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; 1 Thessalonians 4: 3-8; 2 Peter 2; Jude 7-8; Revelation 22:15. Reaffirm that it is so hurtful to God’s heart because His original intent for the family was perfect.

2. There is no evidence in the Bible that people are “born” or “created” homosexual. This is a lie. Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” There is more scientific evidence that there is no “gay” gene available online at http://www.cwfa.org/articledisplay.asp?id=5458&department=CFI&categoryid=papers.

3. Make sure your child understands homosexuality is forgivable, and “curable”. Many have repented and embraced heterosexuality with the help of loving friends and the Holy Spirit. We must never condemn the homosexual as this is a practice based out of fear. Homosexuality is a stronghold, but must never be portrayed as stronger than the blood of Christ.

4. Teach them to never apologize or feel wrong for believing this way. Prepare them for the persecution this will bring into their lives. Explain that even when teachers and friends do not understand, they have a right and responsibility to stand for the truth. Teach them how to handle being singled out. They must never feel the need to retaliate with anger or aggression because their kindly stated words are far more powerful (even in the midst of persecution).

5. Explain how harmful the practice of homosexual sex is to the body. This is further proof of its error. Teens especially need to have some understanding of what it is homosexuals practice intimately. The offensiveness of the act is often enough to solidify their feelings. Pray about what amount of detail you feel is appropriate. However, never underestimate what they will be exposed to by peers and the internet. HIV, colon cancer and dysfunction, among many other physical ailments are often associated with the homosexual lifestyle. Another point to make is the promiscuity that is prevalent among the gay community.

6. Caution your children from creating close-knit relationships with a homosexual. We must always be loving and friendly. There is no excuse for mistreating another human. However, we must protect them from the seduction of this lifestyle. Aligning closely with a homosexual is too great a spiritual test for young people. Many adults cannot sort through their own feelings of confusion when confronted with a lovely and adoring friend who happens to be homosexual. 2 Corinthians 6:14 states, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” Verse 17 says, “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you.” This is New Testament, friend. There is a principle here that will protect your child, and maybe even you!

Ultimately, we must teach from a position of rest, confidence, security, and strength. Your child is looking for this definition of sexuality and family. Let it come from you.

Why Teens Cut

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The growing problem of cutting is one that hits too close to home for many parents of teens. Most young cutters are not attempting suicide, but rather attempting emotional pain release. In a recent conversation I had with Bill Scott of the Xtreme Talk Live, he offered one young girl’s explanation of why she slices her precious arms with razor blades. She said, “When I see myself bleed, it reminds me I’m still alive.”

Clinical evidence proves that endorphins are released into the blood stream whenever someone cuts which results in a “buzz.” But I believe scripture reveals a more spiritual reason why young people are cutting themselves.

Remember the story of how Elijah confronted the false prophets of Baal in 1 Kings 18? Jezabel’s priests and Elijah held a showdown to see whose God would prevail. Baal, whose symbol is the bull or calf, is the God of rebellion and performance. 1 Kings 18:28-29 reveals the results of Baal worship.

“So they cried aloud, and cut themselves, as was their custom, with knives and lances, until the blood gushed out on them. …They prophesied… but there was no voice; no one answered, no one paid attention.”

This generation is crying out to the god of rebellion and performance to hear them, to answer them… but no one is paying them attention. Dear friend, if you know someone who is cutting, pay them attention. Be the Elijah who shows them the God who hears. Let the unconditional love of Father heal the eternal and external bleeding that begs to be noticed.